Chapter One

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This kingdom will be broken into a hundred different nations on the first day my reign begins, whispered a voice in my mind.

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I risked opening my eyes. An orange glow hovered on the wall across the room, coming from an open window where the song of birds flowed into my bedroom. The lavish curtains had been opened during the night while I pretended to sleep. I didn’t bother sitting up and instead merely turned around and closed my eyes again, hoping for one more chance of sleep before another painful day began.

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A day I don’t deserve to live through.

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I rested another pillow above my head, keeping it against my ear to muffle the bird’s singing. “I really should be getting up though.”

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But the world would be a better place if I just stayed in one spot forever.

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I burrowed farther into the comforts of my bed, sinking into the feathered mattress and soft blankets, wanting to become one with them as they made me feel like I was still in the best days of my life, not yet born.

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The culprit of the open window returned, entering from the hallway door and stepping toward my safe place. He put something down on the table to the left of the bed. Glasses clicked against each other as the smell of scrambled eggs and meat snuck into my blankets.

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The cruel servant cleared his throat and took a small step back. For a moment, there was only the muffled singing of the bird again, making it even more of a challenge to fall asleep. “My Prince, the King and Queen formally request you meet them in the royal library as soon as you finish your meal.”

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Another ‘cure’ must have gotten into their hands. Why do they bother? I’m not worth it.

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I stayed as still as possible, even slowing my breathing. 

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“Prince Yerik,” the servant said. “Your sister, Princess Beth, will be there too.”

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No. I’m tired of her seeing me like this. So frail, broken, helpless…

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The servant shuffled and his footsteps faded away. He closed the door as he left the room.

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It’d be easier for everyone if I just left.

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I scowled and waited too long.

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The door opened and a set of footsteps approached the bed again.

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“Apologies, but his majesty, the King, ordered it,” the servant said.

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I opened my eyes. The servant was grabbing onto the right side of the blankets and was about to pull them away.

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I growled and rolled to the opposite side of the bed, purposely entangling myself in the blankets and managing to rip the sheets away from the servant while doing so. “As heir to the throne, I demand you leave me alone.”

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“The orders of the King outweigh yours, my liege.”

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And good thing they do. I’m so useless.

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The servant approached the left side of my bed and opened the glass containers. He picked up a fork, dunked it in scrambled eggs, then brought the utensil toward my mouth.

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“I’m not that helpless.” I scowled and sat up, then struggled to get my arms out of the blankets. “I can very well feed myself. Now get out of this room. I have no need of any servants.” My gut twisted at the harsh words. But hands now free, I snagged the fork away from the servant beside me and cleaned the scrambled eggs off with my teeth. Mouth full, I used my other hand to point to the door.

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The servant didn’t move. “The King forbade me to leave your side until you get to the library, sir.”

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Oh, how expected… and humiliating.

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Sighing, I took the tray and ate the food quickly, not wanting to keep my father waiting any longer than I already had.

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They didn’t deserve to be kept waiting for so long. I’m sorry. It’s my fault.

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I’m worse than useless. Worthless, worthless, worthless.

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Still under the watchful eyes of the servant, I pulled myself out of the blankets and quickly changed behind an oak screen.

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“Servant.” I waited until I heard the clinking stop. “How did you know?”

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“Know you weren’t sleeping, my liege?”

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“Yes.”

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“My mother, sir… She had the same…” The servant paused. “She never slept.”

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I nodded even though he couldn’t see. “I’m sorry.”

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“Don’t be, my liege. It is not your fault.”

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But failing to find a cure certainly is.

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***

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They’re arguing about me when I’m not even worth stepping on. I’m just an annoying bug they should be ignoring.

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In a desperate attempt to ignore my thoughts, I swung the door open and entered.

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The shouting ended immediately. Three people stared and I wanted to shrink back. The King – my father – wore his usual golden crown and lavish red clothes with a black cape. He stood at one end of the table, finger pointing to the sky.

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Where I should go and never come back.

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Across the table stood my sister. She wore a deep blue dress swaddled around her torso that bloomed around her legs in a ruffled pattern. She was smiling, but the twitching of her hands exposed her real emotions.

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Wanting to strangle somebody. Could it be me? It should be. Nobody has made as many mistakes or problems as I have.

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My mother sat in a cushioned red chair between them. Her dress was a pale shade of yellow that contrasted the black capes she and the King wore. Her crown reflected the rays of light coming from yet another open window. The chirping of birds from the courtyard below echoed through the library shelves.

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I would never be able to look as regal as her no matter how hard I tried.

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The Queen rose with a pathetic attempt at a smile. “Yerik, please, take a seat.” Her smile became a pout when I approached. “Where is your crown? And why do you insist on leaving your jacket unbuttoned? It makes you look like a lazy slob. Surely, we’ve told you this numerous times.”

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I’m the worst slob of them all.

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“Uh, right, sorry. I rushed to get here.”

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The King frowned, raising an eyebrow at the same time. “Have you not been listening to the lectures? A member of the royal family does not rush. Time bends to them.”

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I bowed, using it as an excuse to avoid the disappointment on their faces. “Apologies, my King and Queen, it wasn’t my intention to hurt either of you. I will go back and retrieve the crown if you wish.” I focused on the buttons, tightening the jacket around my body despite the day being too warm for one.

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I deserve to sweat through my clothes and never be comfortable.

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“No,” the King said, “come to the table already, Yerik. This meeting has been delayed for too long and I have trade negotiations to get to.”

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I’m wasting their time. Why can’t they see I’m not worth it?

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“Sorry.” Keeping my eyes on the ground, I slunk over to the table and sat across from my mother. Everyone else took their places at the table again.

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Not a single moment passed before the Queen reached toward the table where a vial of a golden liquid proudly stood in a glow of sunlight. A breeze of fresh air soared through the room at the same time, waking my senses a little more.

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“Sweetie,” the Queen said, bringing the vial toward me. “This is what we’d like to meet about. Another person came last night from a far away land. He said people use this as a cure for the… situation you’re in. We tested it for poisons and found none. Please,” she placed the vial in front of me and withdrew her hand, “take a drink.”

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It’d be better if they didn’t test for poisons at all.

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“Where is the man now? I may want to congratulate him for curing me.” I uncorked the vial. A sweet odour filled my nostrils, reminding me of freshly harvested honey that beekeepers brought to the castle’s kitchen.

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“The man is currently in prison,” my sister announced. “He sits there until the cure has done its job.” She spoke with a rightfully snooty tone.

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I widened my eyes and brought the vial down. “What? He doesn’t deserve that! He’s just trying to help!”

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If anybody should live in the prison, it was me.

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The King cleared his throat before speaking, as he often did when he had tough news to announce. “This is the fifth person to show up and offer a mysterious cure. An example needs to be made! If the cure doesn’t work, he’ll spend the rest of his life in the dungeons. We don’t tolerate all the ridiculous suggestions people bring to us! It’s time they knew that.”

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And it’s all my fault. He wouldn’t be there if I had no problems.

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I stared at the tiled floor and shook my head. “That’s not fair. He did nothing wrong.”

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“He could be trying to scam the royal family with your illness, Yerik,” the Queen piped up. “He wouldn’t give us the cure until we gave him plenty of gold. We had guards arrest him as soon as the vial was in my hands. We got the coins back, and now the cure too. If it works, he’ll be allowed to leave.”

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“If it doesn’t,” the King huffed, “he’ll stay beneath the castle.”

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For the rest of his life, plotting my well-deserved death.

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Taking a deep breath, I desperately hoped the liquid inside the vial wasn’t just honey. I raised it to my nose and took another whiff, hoping the smell changed. It didn’t. It still reminded me of the time I was a child, before the illness, where I’d follow the beekeepers and offer them help them just to spend more time underneath the sun and around the sweet, pungent smell of fresh honey.

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It’s honey, and the man will spend the remainder of his days underground because of me. I downed the vial, cringing at the dense yet supple sweetness. Honey alone had never been high on my favourite foods. It went much better inside my afternoon tea or as a coating for cheese. Never alone.

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I drank the entire vial. The Queen would refuse to believe the cure worked if a tiny bit of it remained. She’d always been so particular about the details and thoroughly using something before throwing it out. Chances were high she’d want to keep the vial for another reason, like a pot for tiny flowers or even just to hold ink.

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I smiled as I set the vial down. “This cure does work. My many thanks to the man who brought it.” I fought to keep the smile up.

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I can’t save anybody.

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I’ll only bring the kingdom down.

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I’m not worth anything.

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The Queen squinted as she picked up the vial and studied it closely. With her free hand, she waved for me to sit, and I had no choice but to follow the order. A moment passed before she placed the vial on the table. “Well, you did drink all of it. But are you really feeling much better, darling?”

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I hadn’t felt well since the best physician in the nation told my parents there was nothing he could do, that it was too late, that my demons were too strong and I’d never be the same young, happy child ever again.

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“Yes.” My face hurt from smiling. “I’ve never felt so great. Which cell is the man inside? I must thank him personally.”

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And make the second biggest mistake in my life, the first being alive.

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I turned around to find the King standing in front of me with his arms crossed. There was no need to look up to know there was a gigantic scowl across his face. It took every ounce of strength not to cringe.

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“Yerik,” he said.

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Leave me alone. I’m not worth it.

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The smile on my face twitched and barely managed to stay up. “Father…”

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“Look me in the eyes.”

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A life depended on it.

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A man was in prison because of me. My fault. He’d never continue his life because I couldn’t get better.

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I lifted my head.

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The King’s brooding green eyes, the same shade as mine, stared at me. A hint of sadness swam in them.

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I’d never be the son he wanted.

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I’m so worthless… and disappointing.

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The smile on my face quivered, and I had to look away to hide my defeat. The grin faltered, but only my sister noticed. “I’ll be going to my studies now.”

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Lies, lies, lies. Lies to make up for the truth I could never handle.

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I needed to help the stranger. Not for him, but to preserve what little sanity I had left. Their imprisonment would be yet another weight on my mind, which was already difficult to drag around every day, barely ever wanting to get up after another sleepless night. My gut churned at the thought of the stranger, dirty with straw in their hair, miserable behind bars because the idiot Prince never got better. I couldn’t leave their life that way.

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Without another word, I left the room and ignored the person who followed me. No doubt it was my sister, who often ran off when given the chance. She’d have no reason to talk with me.

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That’s why I nearly jumped when she spoke in a low voice as soon as the door closed. “You do know that ridiculous act convinced nobody, yes?”

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I spun around, eyes wide and fake smile completely gone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

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Why was she wasting any more of her time directed at me?

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“Oh, please.” Beth scrambled to stand in front of me, hands on hips. “You really think pretending to be okay will make everything better?”

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I scowled. “Pretending? I’m not pretending.” My gut roped itself into a dozen knots, almost making it difficult to breathe.

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I’m always pretending I’m better than I actually am. Heir to the throne? I shouldn’t be.

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She grabbed my shoulders and started dragging me to the end of the corridor. “Come on then, let’s go thank that kind man.”

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If I had let her push me around, we’d end up at the circling stairs that led to the great hall. A set of large doors at the end of that big room would bring us to a large courtyard full of trees and cobblestone paths, one of which would take us to the guard’s barracks that had the entrance to the dungeons.

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“I’d prefer to go alone.” But I still let her push me toward the stairs.

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Because I’m a weak coward who can’t outright say no to my sister.

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It took every ounce of strength to calm down the whirlwind in my stomach. I couldn’t let her come with me. It was my mistake to fix.

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“Oh? Now that’s too bad, isn’t it?” My sister said, continuing to push me. “I’m not letting you go off and do something stupid on your own. That person is going to be mad, Yerik. They may seek revenge, and I refuse to let that happen.”

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“What?” I faked another smile and held my hands up. “I’m not that stupid, Beth.”

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More lies. I was that stupid. I’d welcome the revenge. If anything, I deserved it.

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A stranger was suffering in the dungeons, and it was all my fault.

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My fault, my fault, my fault.

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The knots in my gut tightened.

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Beth took her hands off my shoulders, but only so she could walk at my side with a massive frown across her face. “There is really only one way to truly thank that stranger, Yerik.”

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I stopped, just a pace away from the circling staircase despite wanting to march all the way to the dungeons so my gut and mind might hopefully relax a little. “Beth, the King and Queen don’t need two disappointments in their lives. Stay behind, don’t get yourself in the same mess.”

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Her eyebrows furrowed as she crossed her arms. “First of all, you’re not a disappointment. Second, I am not letting you cause trouble without me. You tend to make everything around you go wrong.”

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Only one of those points was correct.

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“Why do you think I’m trying to help that person in the first place? Maybe I’m just going there to laugh at them.” My gut surged and I regretted the question as soon as it came out. I didn’t want to know her answer.

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“It’s still a form of trouble —”

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A door down the hall opened and someone shouted, “Princess Beth!”

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Beth sighed and turned around. “What?”

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While she was distracted, I slipped away, slinking down the stairs as Beth and the other person yelled at each other.

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It wasn’t something I needed to focus on. Not now.

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A stranger was in prison because of me. Guilt swam around my heart and gut. I needed to do something, otherwise, I truly wouldn’t be able to live with myself.